Offer Ends In:
For any woman in a relationship filled with constant chaos and conflict
How to Say What You Need To Say And Get What You Need Without Triggering Them, “Setting Them Off” or Leaving You Feeling Like “The Bad Guy”
The “U.P.R. Communication Protocol” I’m About To Share Helps You Know What You Want to Say, Why You Want to Say It … and Provides Exact Strategies for How You Say It, So You’re Never Caught Off Guard Again!
You’re here because chances are, something has changed in a loved one’s life.
And those changes are causing disruptive behavior and generating massive conflict for you.
What’s more, this is probably somebody you truly and deeply care about.
It may be your adult son or daughter … maybe even your spouse or partner … or a sibling, parent or family friend … even a boss, coworker, neighbor or other acquaintance.
Because you care about them so much, they sometimes could expect you to “bow down” to their needs and demands, without a second thought for how that affects you.
And no matter what you do, somehow you end up being “the bad guy” whenever you try to protect or assert yourself.
Regardless of who in your life is causing the conflict, the question you’re probably asking is:
“Why Is This Person Causing So Much Havoc In My Life?”
The reasons are endless, but chances are:
Those are some of the possible reasons your person may be “acting out” … but:
Ultimately Those Reasons Don’t Matter, Because What They're Doing is Causing Conflict In Your Life
Conflict that leaves you feeling:
In fact, if you’re like me and the many thousands of women struggling with constant chaos and conflict in their relationships …
Just Thinking About This Person Causes You Stress, Anxiety and Overwhelm
Hi, I’m Barbara Decker
Founder and CEO of Live Well and Fully
And creator of the breakthrough program, The Transformative Boundaries Experience, which has helped more than 1000 women over the past four years.
I know all too well how a loved one’s disruptive behavior can completely derail your life.
In my case, my “person” was my son, Eric.
Eric was a great kid. I did everything right and raised him well.
He did well in school, had hobbies and friends and treated people with respect.
Then things began to change.
He became moody, argumentative and unreliable.
Soon enough, the child I raised with love, compassion and effort became unrecognizable.
So much so that he frequently broke his promises and got angry when I called him out for it.
As much as I tried to fix him, make him better — things got worse.
The more I tried to set him straight — things got worse.
The more I tried to protect him from the consequences of his actions — things got worse.
The more I tried to give him love — things got worse.
The more I yelled — things got worse.
The more I cried — things got worse.
Nothing I Tried Helped.
Things Only Got Worse.
I knew he was using pot and psychedelics from time to time, but I really thought (and so did lots of professionals) that it was a mental illness causing his problems.
Turns out, we were all wrong.
Eric’s drug use had escalated. He had become addicted to meth.
As I’ve discovered in the years since, it doesn't matter what’s causing the “bad behavior.”
What matters is that the behavior was impacting me.
What Matters Most is Knowing How to Peacefully Reduce the Conflict.
I spent so much time focusing on the "why" part of the problem — what caused Eric to act out — that I didn't ask what I could do to make things better.
“Hoping and praying” that the problem would go away didn’t work for me.
My rationalizations only made things worse:
“He’s under a lot of pressure right now.”
“It’s just pot or a few beers … no big deal.”
“He has a mental illness.”
“It’s the disease — it’s not his fault.”
“The pandemic affected everyone, I just need to give him a break.”
Finally I Had to Ask Myself:
“Am I Adding Fuel to the Fire?”
After all, I struggled for years, reasoning, yelling, pleading, and begging Eric to stop his bad behavior and act like a grown up.
To treat me with the respect I deserve.
Until a wise clinician helped me understand something important:
If I Can’t Make Decisions for Him, How Can I Be Responsible for What Happens to Him?
And if I Can’t be Responsible for Him, Why Do I Feel So Bad?
I resisted this at first, like many women I’ve worked with.
Because everything I’d been told or taught about being a “good mom” demanded that I take responsibility.
That I step in — no matter the personal cost — to rescue my child.
But when I really thought about it, I’ve never been able to force anyone else to do what I wanted them to.
Or to agree that what I thought was right.
They were always going to do what they think is right.
When I finally accepted this — and began to speak and act accordingly — everything with Eric shifted.
I took full responsibility for the only part I could actually control — what I chose to do or say.
How and when I chose to do or say it.
Little by little the stress and anxiety I always felt when I was around him started to lessen. I wasn’t so tense all the time.
My words no longer triggered him or caused him to start an argument or walk out.
I started using this protocol to talk about how I felt and what I needed … without making him wrong.
Gradually things got better. More loving and peaceful. More connected.
And as I changed, so did he.
Then an amazing thing happened:
Eric started to make different choices. Better, healthier choices.
And he’s been clean and sober and in active recovery since 2018.
More importantly, our relationship is better than it’s ever been.
We talk and text regularly. He involves me in the important areas of his life.
Sometimes he even asks my advice on things … and occasionally agrees with me! 🙏
He’s even an integral part of the work I do helping women reclaim peace and joy in their lives.
Eric and I both credit our renewed relationship to the set of tools I learned — often through painful trial and error — about how to respectfully communicate using this protocol.
I learned how to speak to my son. Not to his behavior.
It comes down to an approach I now refer to as:
The U.P.R. Protocol
The U.P.R. Protocol is a way of interacting with your loved one where you separate them from the “bad behavior.”
U.P.R. stands for Unconditional Positive Regard.
Which means everything you say and do comes from a place of love, honor and respect for the aching, suffering human being that is your person.
As the famous saying goes:
“Be kind, for everyone you meet
is fighting a hard battle.”
Unconditional Positive Regard remembers they are not bad or wrong, as a person.
Even though their behavior may be unacceptable to you.
Instead, you see them as a capable and competent human who is doing the very best they can, with the knowledge and tools they have available.
Just like you are.
Unconditional Positive Regard means you are not accusing them of anything. Not pointing fingers at the reason for their actions.
Instead, you comment only on YOUR truth ... how their behavior impacts you.
What you need or expect instead.
Your protocol to make sure you get what you need.
For the last few years I’ve been sharing this protocol with other mothers.
Helping them communicate from a place of power.
And the results so far have been incredible.
I just finished The Transformative Communications program and I am on top of the word. This program has literally changed my life. I have improved my communication skills with my AS. My husband, it´s like we are communicating peacefully and respectfully with each other. My children, my siblings and my friends. The skills I have learned are easy to apply with everyone I meet. I actually learned how to listen something that I thought I was doing, but, no I wasn't, far from it. It feels like I just finished a really good book and I want to read it again. Thank you Barbara Decker, Cathie Fischer and Patti Czaja Franco
It wasn’t until those mothers started reporting changes not only with their son or daughter … but also with their spouses, other children, even parents and siblings … that I knew:
There was more I could do to help.
The U.P.R. Protocol applies to all relationships.
This shouldn’t have surprised me, because when I reflected on my own life, I realized a simple truth:
My life looks a lot different today.
As a result of using the U.P.R. Protocol I:
… Left a corporate job to dedicate my retirement years to starting a business that makes a real difference for people …
… Chose to spend quality time with people who are happy and eager to meet my needs — people who give as readily as they take …
… Strengthened all of my family relationships, making family visits, vacations and holidays more connected, fun and “drama free” …
Because — as I’ve said — the reason for a person’s bad behavior doesn’t matter.
Any time a “coping mechanism” or learned entitlement is affecting a person’s behavior to the point other people are affected …
The U.P.R. Protocol helps.
When drugs or alcohol are being misused or abused …
The U.P.R. Protocol helps.
Even when mental illnesses like chronic anxiety, ADHD, depression, schizophrenia and more, are affecting a person’s behavior …
The U.P.R. Protocol helps.
I refer to these challenges collectively as Mind Diseases.
They affect a person’s ability to prioritize in their mind what they need over what they want.
Even when the person on the inside wants to be better … something overrides them and takes control.
No matter what is going on with “your person” …
The U.P.R. Protocol helps.
I’ve collected all my hard-fought learnings, systems and approaches and put them together in my newest program for women:
Finally Say What You Need to Say And Get What You Need, Without Setting Them Off or Feeling Like You’re “The Bad Guy”
Your mission — should you choose to accept it — is to discover what it is that you truly want and learn how to communicate it effectively, using the Unconditional Positive Regard Protocol … so they actually hear and understand what you’re saying …
And Watch ALL Your Relationships Transform!
“This feeds my soul.”
There are not enough words to really express my thoughts and feelings. I can live my life based on my priorities and now have boundaries to protect those priorities because I do matter.
I have rediscovered my singing voice and deep love of music. This feeds my soul.
I am enjoying relationships and not afraid of conversations! My husband and I talk of our lives together moving forward and enjoy projects around our home together.
We love our sons but understand that regardless of how their lives are going we can still have joy and hope. This I believe more than ever gives them joy and hope that they too can experience.
Instead of Secretly Resenting Your Loved One, You Communicate From a Place of Love and Respect (For Them AND For You!)
It’s all possible for you — and so much more — starting today.
10 Short Weeks.
That’s all it takes to completely shift the way you communicate — improving your relationships with everyone in your life.
Finally know what to say — and how to say it — in a way that cuts through their defenses.
Learn what it truly means to communicate from a place of Unconditional Positive Regard …
… and watch for yourself how your relationship transforms — with your child, your spouse or partner, parent or sibling, even your extended friends and family.
My Proven Approach to Communicate With Power, Confidence & Certainty Using The U.P.R. Protocol:
It begins with learning the fundamentals of communication. The language you use to express your needs.
The words you choose … the perspective you share … your tone of voice … your body language.
These things matter more than you could possibly know.
Too often the language you choose has them feeling attacked — even when that’s not your intention.
They go on the defensive.
They go into “fight or flight” mode — attacking you verbally or simply shutting down or walking away.
They dismiss everything you say.
Because you’re trying to tell them what their truth is — and only they could possibly know what that is.
Because you’re trying to tell them what their truth should be — how they should act, what they should do (or not do) and how they “need” to take you into account.
Learning the fundamentals of “self referenced communication” is where your journey begins.
With this foundation in place, you can build your own U.P.R. Protocol, following my signature 5-phase process:
Phase One: You and Your Needs
It all starts with you. Realizing that you have 100% control over how you act.
What you choose to say (or not say).
What behavior is acceptable to you and what isn’t.
By the end of this first phase, you will know yourself perhaps better than you ever have before.
You’ll identify your highest priorities when it comes to interacting with your person, so you can choose the approach that is most likely to get you what you want.
Phase Two: Frame Your Truth
Each of us has different priorities, situations, and strengths & weaknesses when it comes to interacting with our loved one.
Each of us has different “key stakeholders” — other people in our lives who are also invested in this relationship.
With their own priorities that may — or may not — align with yours.
Framing your truth is the first step to creating a communication plan that will get you what you want most, while taking everyone involved into consideration.
Phase Three: Choose Your Strategy
Once you know what you want to communicate … and how you’re going to communicate it … it’s time to make your plan.
When and where will the conversation take place?
How will you start the conversation? How will you end it?
Which of the 34 Communication Strategies we provide will you use?
What is your exit strategy, in case you need one?
By the end of Phase 3 you’ll know the answers to all of these questions and feel confident that you can have the conversation in a way that feels good for you … so you can say what it is that you need to say, and finally be heard.
Phase Four: Have the Conversation
During the program — if the timing suits you — you’ll be invited to have the conversation with your person and bring your experience back to the group.
It’s important to note that there is no requirement that you complete your conversation during our 10 weeks together.
The timing may not be right for you, and that is 100% okay.
You always have choice. The final decision always rests with you.
Phase Five: Debrief Your Wins & Learns
You’ll analyze the effects of your communication.
You’ll consider how you felt before, during and after the interaction.
You’ll examine how your person reacted to what you had to say.
You’ll find things you want to acknowledge yourself for.
Things you did well. Things you’re proud of yourself for.
We call these W:WINS.
And there may be things you feel you might have done better and want to improve on for the next time. Different strategies you’d like to try the next time around.
Realizing that I don't always have to have an answer for everything. And that is OK. Relieves stress on myself during a challenging conversation.
Stopped blaming, better listening, exit strategies when necessary
I shared what I was learning with my husband and I think our communications are better.
We call these L:LEARNS.
Whether you’ve had your conversation at this point or not, you’ll have a process for bringing your experience back to you.
Noticing what worked and what can be changed or improved.
Then going back to Phase One and refining your approach based on your W:Wins and L:Learns.
The improvements you’ll notice in your life as you revisit this cycle over time will become more and more profound.
I learned that I was not as good at communicating as I thought and that my approach may have sabotaged some of the conversations from the very start.
So much angst and hurt can be prevented or corrected with clear, honest, kind communication. I learned that all I can control is what I do and what I say. I can’t control how anyone receives what I say.
Every relationship you apply the U.P.R. Protocol to will improve.
Communicating With the U.P.R. Protocol Takes Back Your Power Where Begging, Pleading and Screaming Only Give it Away
With the U.P.R. Protocol Everyone Feels Heard, Acknowledged and Understood!
By the end of our 10-weeks together you’ll know exactly:
No Matter What’s Happened In The Past, You Can Take Back Control of Your Life!
You may think you’ve tried everything and that there’s “just no getting through to them.”
That they will never agree with your perspective. You may be right.
But know this:
Agreement with your perspective is not required for your life to improve.
You have the right to be treated the way you want to be treated.
They way you deserve to be treated.
Transformative Communications is unlike anything you’ve ever tried before.
Because it’s not about “them” at all.
Only about you and what you choose to say. How you choose to say it.
And which behaviors you are willing to tolerate and accept … and which you absolutely will not.
Here’s How Transformative Communications Works:
When you join today, you’ll receive:
Week-by-week this comprehensive set of modules walks you step-by-step through the U.P.R. Protocol to create your own Transformative Communications Plan.
A plan just for you.
Based on your priorities … your situation … your strengths & weaknesses.
It’s based on your goals for the relationship.
You get real world examples from other women, plus exercises to help you sift through your options and discover your truth.
Going through modules in systematic format—helps keep me on track.
Well for me it kept me on track and made me accountable to work through the program. I am self motivated but I do a lot and it’s good for me to have some structure and helps me with time management.
The summary at the beginning of each of strategies is very helpful. Great quick overview and gives me an idea where I need to focus my energy.
It’s not just theory.
You get access to a library of 34 different strategies you can use to have the conversation you choose to initiate.
These practical guides give you real-world options — including specific words and language — for how to approach your loved one.
You get to pick the one’s that work for you.
10-Week Group Coaching Package
Imagine this: Each week you’ll have the opportunity to gather with other women on a live coaching call with a Love Another Way Graduate Coach.
Together you reclaim your power.
Your “Communication I.Q.” grows as you hear how other women are using these tools in their own relationships.
Your confidence soars.
Hearing what others are trying or considering — what I call “side door learning” — is one of the most powerful parts of any of my programs.
Transformative Communications is no different.
“Each story was valuable and relatable.”
Taking the time to side learn through someone else's work is so helpful. Each story was valuable and each one was relatable. I found myself having some feedback while learning at the same time. this right here is a practice in active listening and communication skills.
It’s OK if you can’t make the live calls. We have the recordings. All the breakthroughs. All the big takeaways ready for you.
This will change everything — you’ll see.
You’ll leave each session inspired and rejuvenated.
You'll see new possibilities to run your own “communication experiments.”
You'll finally get off the emotional rollercoaster that so often comes with this kind of relationship conflict.
By the end of our 10 weeks together you will have an entirely new perspective on how to have productive, meaningful conversations…
…conversations where everybody feels heard and understood …
…and the skills and tools to actually do it.
All while reclaiming your personal power and sense of peace.
Imagine how it will feel to put an end to the chaos.
To understand how to get what you need out of the relationship.
Imagine how it will feel to reconnect with your loved one and rebuild an honest, authentic relationship with them.
Right now. Just as they are.
Plus Get These Exclusive Bonuses When You Join Today
Bonus #1 - VIP Invitation: Live Laser Coach-a-thon with Barbara Decker (Value: $497)
Your family dynamic is unique.
Your situation is unique.
Your needs are unique.
Let's work together to find solutions that work for you.
Get a unique perspective and deep insight from a top-level Love Another Way coach on this live coaching call.
Bonus #2 - Private 1:1 Next Steps Call with a Love Another Way Coach (Value: $250)
You will undoubtedly be inspired after completing Transformative Communications. You’ll have ideas and options spinning through your head. Your Love Another Way coach will help you clarify your thinking and prioritize your plans.
On this call, you will:
Bonus #3 - Private Facebook Community Group (Value: $497)
You’ll be invited to join our Private Group where you get to ask questions ANYTIME, for the entire 10 weeks. No judgment. Safe place to be yourself.
You'll get answers from your coaches. You'll get answers from other women in the group to accelerate your healing process! Best of all, this group is COMPLETELY PRIVATE and no one but the other members, your coaches & me will know you're in it.
This is a SAFE, confidential, no-judgment zone.
Imagine this. A place where you can get answers to your questions - fast. A place where you can share experiences with other women who understand what you're going through. A place where you can be part of something bigger than yourself. This is a truly special place.
The total value of Transformative Communications,
including your three bonuses, is $3838.00.
“I have a life too.”
I was getting so tired trying to 'tell' them how I thought they should be doing stuff (money, food, transportation etc). It had become so brutal emotionally for me - they weren't listening. I had a very negative view of their life skills.
Now I feel it is ok to encourage them and listen and still be able to love them as much as I do. Plus, I am able to still improve my boundaries and realize I have a life too. And that it's ok for me to have my own priorities...
Don't Miss Out On This Limited-Time Offer!
Until recently, Transformative Communications has only been available to members of our private group, The Graduates’ Community, which costs $2997 per year and was only available to graduates of our TTBE program.
I’ve decided to change that.
After seeing how much this information supported and impacted the lives of my students, I realized I needed to make this information available to any woman struggling with a conflict-riddled relationship.
And I needed to do it in a way that any woman could afford it.
You will never be the same again.
The material in the videos and the coaching sessions have the potential to change your life in ways you may not even be able to imagine.
Instead of constant worry, you feel ease and spaciousness.
Instead of feeling timid, nervous or unsure, you’ll know exactly what to say — and how to say it — to ensure you’re heard and understood.
And that you get what you need out of the relationship.
Even if the other person doesn’t “like” it.
I know what you're thinking. $3838.00 is a lot of money.
But, to make it as accessible to as many women as possible, I'm taking a whopping 74% off!
That's just $995.
Only for a limited time.
Here’s Everything You Get
The Transformative Communications Online Training (Value: $1297) where you’ll be walked, step-by-step, through the U.P.R. Protocol and create your very own Communication Plan.
A plan that has you feeling confident and self-assured. Ready to say what you need to.
PLUS the 10-Week Group Coaching Package (Value: $1297) where you'll get to share and hear insights with other women, each and every week!
And By Investing Today You'll Also Receive These Bonuses:
BONUS 1: VIP Invite to a Laser Coach-a-thon with Barbara (Value: $497)
BONUS 2: Private 1:1 Next Steps Call with a Love Another Way Coach (Value: $250)
BONUS 3: Private Facebook Community Group (Value: $497)
Total Value = $3838
Join Today For Only $1297 $995 (Save 74%)
Or 3 easy installments of $395
“I’m more willing to speak openly.”
The quality of conversations has improved for me. I’m more willing to speak openly and to exit a conversation if needed.
I no longer feel it’s my job to offer solutions or to fix things. My active listening has improved. I don’t feel that I always need to bring up the problems, but can focus on the relationship.
It’s a Small Price to Pay
To finally know with certainty what to say (and what not to say) to your loved one.
To reclaim your power and confidence.
To reconnect with your loved one and rebuild your relationship.
You know things can’t go on like this.
Nothing you’ve tried has worked.
You know you need a new approach.
If things go on like this much longer, you may lose the relationship entirely.
So you’ve got to do something new.
Despite it being “counterintuitive” I can tell you this for certain:
The U.P.R. Protocol flat out works.
But you don’t have to take my word for it.
Here’s what others have to say about how Transformative Communications has changed their lives for the better:
My ex and I are now on same page when it comes to my son. No more fighting yelling and hanging up on each other.
This class helped me to communicate better in my volunteer position. The active listening really helps when meeting with parents who are having issues with their kids in the Child Protection Services.
I am a much better Guardian ad Litem for my County because of this course!
My conversation changed as I figured out what I wanted to say that I never thought I should or could.
I held back so much out of the fear of being judged or of upsetting someone else. I also was too busy formulating my response to hear what they were saying.
I'm proud of my willingness to change my behavior and to let him live his life. I'm proud that I can say "it is what it is" and not flinch because I finally truly get it that I'm powerless over everything other than the thoughts I let live in my head.
I have become better at keeping my emotions in check during conversations with my husband and son and am better able to tell my truth kindly without expecting the same from them.
My biggest win is speaking in truth and not fearing what others will think. Respect for other’s opinions even when I may not see things the same way.
I am actually enjoying conversations more!
The biggest change I feel within myself is being able to separate their concerns from my concerns.
It has motivated me to be open to listening to my husband's concerns and relieve the communication between us.
My biggest win is knowing I can improve my communication with my children when I take chances to change my interactions and review my process to achieve better connection and communication.
My relationship with my daughter has never ever been better!
It's only right to give her some of the credit as well.
She is open, honest, positive and wants to have a respectable relationship with not just me but her Dad brother and sister too. Certainly makes an adult one-on-one conversation with her much easier for me.
You deserve this,
** Due to the sensitive nature of this subject and the shame many parents feel, some names and photos have been changed. The quotes are real.