When your adult child misinterprets your well-meaning attempts to help them as “acts of aggression”…
This ‘Family First’ Approach is Helping Moms of “Children” with Addictions or Other Mind Diseases Finally Get Through to Their Son or Daughter and End the Cycle of Chaos and Worry
All without pleading, yelling or further enabling their disease.
You could use some good news right about now, I’m pretty sure.
Because, I suspect you may be like many of the people I know who are nearly at their wits end.
You see, right now, thousands of women all over North America, Europe and Australia/New Zealand are using the Smothering Strategy to take back their lives…
… while they are using it to create special and unique boundaries that move their children closer and closer to choosing recovery …
… YOU are also in a special situation where you feel the need to do something … anything … as soon as humanly possible.
As it is, sometimes you wake up with a feeling of dread and alarm. You check your phone throughout the day to make sure it is set to alert you to calls or messages. You feel your heart palpitate when it rings - expecting the worst.
The reality is, you don’t have time to arrange therapy sessions for you, or for your child.
And so, here’s that good news I’m talking about.
This new and different Smothering Strategy process is nothing like those things at all.
In fact, the Smothering Strategy is all about changing the one thing that you absolutely have control over.
It’s about changing one thing so you reclaim happiness back into your life …
… one thing so you awaken the possibility of recovery in your child’s thoughts.
It’s completely different because what you change is YOU.
You see, when you use the Smothering Strategy, you alter your outlook and mindset in a very unique way that shocks your child, that wakes them up from the very first time they see it.
You change YOU in a way so you interrupt their disruptive patterns
… so they glimpse into the light of your love.
And the Smothering Strategy works regardless of whether you’ve tried absolutely everything you can think of already, or whether you’ve not really tried anything yet.
So if you want to move your child toward recovery sooner while you get back the joyful life you experienced before the disease took over, you want to pay close attention to what I’m about to show you.
And believe me when I say...
Right now is the very best time to use the Smothering Strategy
...so you begin giving your son or daughter the encouragement they need to make a change.
Let me take a quick moment to tell you what it is and how you can start using these techniques as soon as today.
“Smothering Strategy”
First of all, there’s a reason I call the process, a ‘Smothering Strategy.’
And that’s because the way you’ve loved your child in the past doesn’t work.
So instead, when you use your Smothering Strategy, you take on a new way of loving that protects you, and at the same time keeps you out of your child’s way as they seek recovery.
What I want you to understand is the child you loved is not around right now.
They’ve been replaced.
Right now, you are dealing with someone struggling with a mind disease…
And all of your child’s motivations, and cares, and desires, and goals in life…
… all their dreams …
… have been replaced.
They’re gone.
But when you use a Smothering Strategy, you love them another way, a different way, you turn their gaze from seeing you as a target.
Instead they are free to turn their sights toward the long road to recovery.
Unfortunately, your addicted or mentally ill son or daughter wants to avoid that scary road to recovery at all costs.
And that’s what makes the Love Another Way process so vital.
Because you remove what used to be the most unconditionally easy road.
You set up a roadblock to the easiest way to another high.
You force your child to stop abruptly and look around at all the other roads available, including the most important one, the road to recovery.
Think of it like this …
Imagine there are two people in front of you right now.
They look and sound exactly the same.
One of them is kind, and funny, and loves sharing their life with you in ways that make you proud and happy.
But the other pretends to be nice as long as they get what they want from you.
They ask for money, they borrow your car … sometimes without asking. They lie.
They steal.
Please understand that one of them is your child, the other is not.
You CAN’T love them the same.
You can still love them both.
But you love a person with a mind disease differently.
And right now, that’s who your child is.
So how do you love them exactly?
Well, let me tell you about a program that I’ve put together in such a way that gets you the answers and the tactics you need to love your child the way they NEED to be loved right now.
It’s called “Decode Addiction (and other mind diseases)”, and it’s a 10 week program that’s based on the Smothering Strategy.
The beauty of this program is that instead of training modules …
… you listen to others who are facing what you’re going through.
Instead of lessons…
Instead of worksheets and assignments…
In fact, chances are really good that someone in the group is going through exactly what you are going through right now.
And rather than listening to the theory and the psychology inside lessons and modules…
That’s exactly what Decode Addiction (and other mind diseases) delivers.
And it’s perfect for you if you are not the “lecture” type, but instead are the “join the conversation” type.
If you enjoy the feeling of discovery you get whenever you chance upon something new and exciting while having coffee with your friends …
Then, this is a wonderful place where you will pick up things that you can use today.
Things like …
… how Vicki realized her mindset mistake when she suggested to her son how he might overcome his depression …
… how Charlotte understood the one and only thing she could do one week after her son got out of the hospital and insisted he wanted to hang out with his friends
… how Stacy finally realized four approaches with her son as he waffled between being desperate for a change, and falling back into his addictive ways.
But all of this is only part of what we do in “Decode Addiction (and other mind diseases)”.
Together, we discuss and explore...
The stages of change that your child will experience...
...and how you can pinpoint exactly which stage they’re in. That way, you will avoid the actions, the comments, the conversations that may delay or slow down your child’s progress.
The relationship choices that YOU make...
...and I’m not just talking about the relationship with your child. This is important so you regain peace and joy in your life.
Something I call “learned helplessness”...
…which you must avoid at all costs , because it’s the only way your “help” won’t end up “hurting” your child in the long run.
How to avoid the “righting reflex” and your tendency to want to make things right...
...so with every little improvement they experience along the way, you quietly watch them get closer to recovery and avoid accidentally setting them back.
A few recovery case studies...
…including my son’s, so you get candid feedback about what worked, what caused their turning point, and most importantly, what was going on in their mind. You gain valuable insights into the mind of your own child, and what they will most likely never share with you.
Some really GREAT ways to communicate effectively with your child...
…no matter what stage of recovery they are in … including TRUDY’s 5 MINUTE RULE for communicating with your family and your friends as well. This one strategy eliminated most of the stress and discomfort Trudy felt with her family.
The BIG difference between saying things that try to influence or change your child, and saying things that accurately reveal your feelings and your situation.
Only one of these two will help your child, and it’s most likely not the one you think.
How to come up with a 20 word statement that you can use on your child the instant it’s appropriate.
A statement that reveals the true you and sets in motion a firm boundary so you remove the choice of manipulation from your child.
The ‘Smothering Strategy’
The Smothering Strategy is a personalized set of “Rules of Engagement” for how to interact with your child in a new way.
It is your personal road map back to peace.
It’s how you’ll choose what’s right for you and your family…
Your plan that takes into account the very real changes that have occurred in your kiddo’s brain.
There is no one-size-fits-all approach.
And there are no “shoulds” or “musts”.
What works for you may not work for someone else.
That’s why it’s imperative that you create a Smothering Strategy unique to your family.
Before we talk about how to create your Smothering Strategy, let me tell you how I came to be doing this work with parents of children with addiction and/or mental illness.
Hi, I’m Barbara Decker
Parent Recovery Advocate
I’m a Certified Family Recovery Specialist (CFRS) and founder of Live Well and Fully.
I help parents of adult children with the disease of addiction or mental illness free themselves from the non-stop worry.
I help them reclaim pockets of peace and joy in their lives.
We do this all in a way that gives the child every possible opportunity to choose recovery.
I came to this work through my own journey with my son Eric’s addiction.
It shocked me to the core when I learned he’d become addicted to meth.
I spent years agonizing over every little thing I said or did. I tried to keep him close. Tried to help him.
All I did was push him further away.
I was at my wits’ end and ready to give up all hope, when a wise clinician taught me something I’ll never forget.
She said:
“You Can’t Change Anyone Else.
The Only Person You Can Change Is You.”
It was a hard truth to accept. Once I did, everything changed.
I went from being frantic and worried all the time… to being calm, peaceful and serene. Even while Eric was still using.
I stopped paying his bills and driving him all over town… and made myself the priority instead.
I never stopped loving my son.
I stopped trying to prove I loved him by constantly trying to rescue or fix him.
I now refer to this compulsion to “prove our Mom-hood” as the Mom Code.
I ditched my Mom Code.
Instead, I began to love my son another way.
And the fire of addiction began to recede until he eventually chose recovery for himself.
He’s been in recovery since 2018, and he’s grown into the man I knew he could be.
And he’s now an active part of my work helping moms reclaim peace in their lives and support their kids in ways that actually work.
Including my groundbreaking program for Moms…
Decode Addiction (and other mind diseases):
It's A Disease. But You Can Suffocate It.
Learn How to Design Your Own Smothering Strategy Today!
Your Mission, should you choose to accept it, is to create a Smothering Strategy for your family by learning how the disease of addiction and other mind diseases ~ and the process of recovery (which is the same for all mind diseases) ~ work…
…so you can finally reconnect with your loved one in ways that support their recovery and bring peace and joy back into your heart.
Imagine…
Enrollment for Decode Addiction (and other mind diseases) is now open.
Get Started Today And In Just
10 Short Weeks
You’ll understand addiction like a pro.
You’ll know what triggers the disease. And what causes it to recede.
Know exactly why what you’ve tried hasn’t worked — and what to do instead.
1. DA Week 01: The Disease - Apply/Use?
Susie
This is powerful! Very informative with all the data in one spot. Very, very helpful - good job!
My Proven 4-Stage Approach to Smothering The Flames of Addiction (and Other Mind Diseases)
RAISE YOUR ADDICTION AND MIND DISEASE IQ
Raising your Addiction and Mind Disease IQ means you understand the disease at a fundamental level.
You know what is actually going on in your child's body and in their brain that is leading to behaviors of addiction.
Raising your Addiction and Mind Disease IQ also means you understand the process of recovery. The different stages of recovery. You are able to identify where or in which stage your child is at any given moment.
15. DA Week 02: Stages of Change - Apply/Use?
Rosalie
Love the chart! Makes the stages so much easier to understand. The examples of stages of change really help.
They can move between stages backwards and forwards.
So it's important to know where they are at any moment in time, because how you interact with the disease changes depending on which stage they're in.
GAIN NEW INSIGHTS
Addiction and other mind diseases are cunning, baffling and powerful.
And it is vulnerable.
As you learn how these diseases work, you’ll gain new insights about ways you can bypass the disease and interact directly with your child.
Insights “made for you” and your unique family situation.
That take into account your personal priorities. Not the priorities of the disease.
You get to decide what is right for you.
The “aha” flashes of inspiration will inspire you to…
TAKE NEW ACTIONS
You’ll try different ways of talking.
Different ways of making requests or setting boundaries.
Different ways of setting expectations.
Different ways to encourage and support them.
Different ways to support and recruit other family members so that everyone is on the same page.
Everybody working with the same end in mind.
Working together as a family unit, as best you can, instead of letting the disease tear you apart.
We can't know for sure whether something will or will not work until we try it.
So we take the scientist’s approach of trying something new, and seeing what happens.
GET NEW OUTCOMES
Whatever new approach you’re testing will have some kind of result.
It will work exactly the way you’d hoped, not at all, or somewhere between.
By looking at the results, you will be certain if what you’re doing is helping or harming.
As you analyze the effects of your new behaviors, and relate them to your understanding of the disease and the recovery process, your Addiction and Mind Disease IQ will continue to increase.
You will come to know and clearly see with your own eyes, what is working and what is not.
And the cycle continues.
The 4-Stage Approach to Smothering The Flames of Addiction
You don't have to be at the mercy of this terrible disease anymore.
From those new insights, you identify new actions that you can test.
You try them out with your loved one and your family.
You analyze the results to see if they are working.
And you continue to deepen your understanding of this terrible disease.
And the cycle continues.
I wish that I could tell you that this process ends. But it would be a lie.
1. DA Week 01: The Disease - Apply/Use?
Emily
Game changing information. I feel it brings together all the pieces for me as a parent. This is my second time listening to this segment & I intend to repeat for greater clarity each time. Really useful synopsis.
The service that Certified Recovery Specialists provide is exactly the missing link for my child. A peer confidant who can guide a willing soul through service location, building adult life and executive functioning skills - the idea that these people & this organization even exists, it gives me hope & courage.
This disease is so crafty, so persistent, that we must stay ever vigilant.
Raising your ‘Addiction and Mind Disease IQ’ is The Best Way to Help Your Child.
It's complicated. But knowledge IS power.
Finally know how these diseases work and what you can - and cannot - do about them.
In this 10-part workshop and group-coaching series, you’ll discover:
- Why nagging them about their disease actually pushes them further into it and destroys any chance you have of a real, authentic relationship with them.
- My unique approach to setting “behavior-based boundaries” … and how to identify which behaviors you should be applying boundaries to. Many parents unknowingly choose the wrong behaviors and end up making things worse. But you’ll be able to target specific behaviors you can actually influence, with laser-like precision.
19. DA Week 03: Relationship Choices - Ah-ha moments?
LaVerne
I especially appreciate the tips on handling disrespect.
- The “Stages of Change” model. When you understand this, you can choose stage-appropriate responses that actually help your child.
- How to choose how much of a relationship you want with your son or daughter, based on what is best for you. This is not an “all or nothing” choice. It’s more like the temperature in the room. You decide whether to turn it up, or down, as you need to.
- The important difference between “clean and sober” and “in recovery” ... and how to know with absolute certainty if your child is on the path to recovery.
- Your love is not enough. Many of the things you do to help actually push your child deeper into their addiction and delay their recovery. But there are simple things you can do immediately to reduce these unintended consequences.
- The Righting Reflex. What is it? How does it make your child do the opposite of what you want them to do? Knowing how to “short-circuit” this natural tendency actually helps your child make better choices for themselves.
24. DA Week 05: The Righting Reflex (and Facing the Possibility of Death) - Apply/Use?
Bianca
This really hit home with me! I have been saying all the wrong things to my AS, and he has responded just like the video discusses - taking the opposite side. This has been very helpful.
- What you CAN do for your child ... is not what matters. What matters is what you CHOOSE to do. With this simple shift, you reclaim power over your experience with this disease.
- The myth that “clean and sober” means getting better. Instead, focus on helping your child get strong enough to choose recovery. And how to actually do that.
- It's time to bring your family into the fold. But how? With our Smothering System, you'll be able to engage with your other family members and bring them into your inner circle - in ways that are appropriate for them.
- You might be making this mistake when trying to communicate with your child. But it's not too late to shift your perspective and start communicating in a way that is actually heard and understood by your son or daughter. This is a total game changer…
- What a “Family Alliance” is and how you and your partner (or other family members) can begin to create one. Addiction has ripped more families apart than we can count. A Family Alliance is the best way to hold your family together.
33. DA Week 09: Communications - Apply/Use?
Tena
I do understand how a husband and wife can get to different points at different times. It was really good to hear this.
Getting useful advice from Barbara and our coaches is something I have wanted however I didn't have anyone I trusted before to take it from due to the real life lived experience!
PLUS:
- Addiction is a disease. But recovery is possible. Hear from Eric about his recovery journey and the process he went through to go from addicted to active recovery. (These segments include candid thoughts from Eric about how my interactions helped ~ and hurt ~ his progress along the way).
LaVerne
Thank you, thank you, thank you! This is the video I needed to hear. The idea that he has a mental illness has paralyzed me in deciding how to handle what is going on. This is great clarification for me.
It's Time To Take Back Control
It’s time.
It’s your time.
You’ve been struggling so long.
Now is your opportunity to finally regain some control over the chaos that comes from mind diseases.
19 DA Week 03: Relationship Choices - Apply/Use?
Tena
My ah-ha moments are recognizing my previous approaches and now understand why they did not work. I began changing my approach in September 2021 and I have seen results. Now that I am in this program I will have so many more tools to work with. The tools are created for me which are going to be a life long skill.
Join us.
So you can reclaim peace.
Reclaim a loving, connected relationship with your child.
To the degree you choose.
While doing everything in your power to smother and suffocate the disease.
Decode Addiction (and other mind diseases) is different from anything else you’ve tried in the past.
You have more power than you know.
It’s time to harness it.
Here’s How It Works…
When you join Decode Addiction (and other mind diseases) today, you receive:
The Decode Addiction (and other mind diseases) Workshop Series
This 10-video workshop series dives deep into the world of Mind Diseases. How it affects family members. And, most important, how we can smother addiction and reclaim peace and control in our lives.
Every week you’ll receive an email letting you know that the next workshop is available.
Each workshop runs between 1-2 hours and features insights from actual moms who are using these concepts every day. Many feature professional insight from clinicians and doctors.
You’ll get transcripts of each session and related worksheets to help capture your insights and design your Smothering Strategy.
10-Week Group Coaching Package
Imagine this: Each week you’ll have the opportunity to gather with other moms on a live coaching call with a Love Another Way Graduate Coach.
Together you’ll reclaim your power over the disease.
Your Addiction and Mind Disease IQ grows as you hear how other moms are using new approaches with their own families.
Your confidence soars.
This “side door” learning is one of the most powerful parts of any of my programs. Decode Addiction (and other mind diseases) is no different.
It's OK if you can't make it. We have the recordings. All the breakthroughs. All the big takeaways ready for you.
You’ll see. This will change everything.
1. DA Week 01: The Disease - Apply/Use?
Trudi
This first video is an amazingly powerful depiction of the grip of addiction. All the videos were so helpful. Just so much excellent info.
You’ll leave each session inspired and rejuvenated.
You'll see new possibilities to run your own “experiments”.
You'll finally get off the emotional rollercoaster that so often comes with addiction.
By the end of our 10 weeks together you will have an entirely new perspective on how to help your child … and the tools to actually do it.
All while reclaiming your personal power and sense of peace.
Imagine how it will feel to put an end to the chaos of addiction and mental illness.
To understand how your beautiful child came to be in such a dark, ugly place.
Most important: imagine how it will feel to reconnect with your baby and rebuild an honest, authentic relationship with them.
Right now. Just as they are.
When you consider that Decode Addiction and other mind diseases...
…it probably won’t surprise you that the sticker price for Decode Addiction (and other mind diseases) is $1999.
I think you’d agree that if you got even half of the results other concerned mothers like you have achieved, it would be worth every penny, and then some.
But you won’t pay the full retail price today!
The fact that you’ve read this far shows me you're committed to crafting a smothering strategy for your family, ending the chaos and anxiety, and helping your child beat addiction or other disease of the mind.
That surely deserves a sweeter deal.
But before we talk about that special deal, let's juice things up and give you $1244 worth of practical addiction and mental health IQ boosting bonuses… just for being here today!
Get $1244.00 in Addiction and Mental Health IQ Boosting Bonuses
Bonus #1 - VIP Invitation: Live Laser Coach-a-thon with Barbara Decker (Value: $497)
Your family dynamic is unique.
Your situation is unique.
Your needs are unique.
Let's work together to find solutions that work for you.
Hear Barbara’s unique perspective and deep insight, on this live coaching call.
Bonus #2 - Private 1:1 Next Steps Call with a Love Another Way Coach (Value: $250)
You will undoubtedly be inspired after completing Decode Addiction (and other mind diseases). You’ll have ideas and options spinning through your head. Your Love Another Way coach will help you clarify your thinking and prioritize your plans.
On this call, you will:
Bonus #3 - Private Facebook Community Group (Value: $497)
PLUS, you’ll be invited to a SECRET Facebook Group where you get to ask questions ANY TIME. No judgment. Safe place to be yourself.
You'll get answers from your coaches. You'll get answers from other mothers in the group to accelerate your healing process! Best of all, this group is COMPLETELY SECRET and no one but the other members & me will know you're in it. It cannot be found by anyone else.
This is a SAFE, confidential, no-judgment zone.
Imagine this. A place where you can get answers to your questions - fast. A place where you can share experiences with other moms who understand what you're going through. A place where you can be part of something bigger than yourself. This is a truly special place.
The total value of Decode Addiction (and other mind diseases) is $3243.00.
But You Won’t Pay That Today!
Your total package value, including all the bonus gifts is $3243, but you won’t pay that today.
I’m not even going to ask you for the standard $1999 retail price, because I know how important this information is when it comes to supporting your son or daughter in a way that calms the chaos and helps them make better decisions.
Here’s That Special Offer I Mentioned:
When you join Decode Addiction (and other mind diseases) today you get all the videos… all the coaching support… and the entire bundle of bonus gifts worth a combined $3243…
PLUS I’m going to take $500 off the retail price of $1999, bringing your investment today down to just $1499!
You're instantly pocketing a whopping total of $1744.00 in discounts and bonuses… or precisely 54% less than the total package value!
If finances are an issue, we DO have payment plans available, starting at $179/month. All the details are available when you click the button below and go through to the next page.
33. DA Week 09: Communications - Apply/Use?
LaVerne
This was such good information for anyone dealing with this disease. I wish I had found this program much sooner. Thank you for creating this excellent program. I have experienced being on a different page from my husband and the pain of my other children.
Here’s Everything You Get
PLUS the 10-Week Group Coaching Package where you'll get to share and hear insights with other moms, each and every week!
And By Investing Today You'll Also Receive These Bonuses:
Total Value = $3243
Join to Today For Only $1999 $1499 (Save $500)
Or pay in installments starting as low as $179/month
As you know, the issues of addiction and other mind diseases are rampant in the world. So many families are being impacted on a day-to-day basis.
Decode Addiction (and other mind diseases) is a powerful tool you can use to support your current and future clients!
In your role as a support worker for these families it's important to stay on the cutting edge of new developments and understanding about the nature of these diseases, the lived experiences of those who are trying to manage them, and the important role women can play in reclaiming peace in their lives.
Additionally, your enrollment may qualify for Continuing Education Credits with your governing body. We are happy to provide a Certificate of Completion so that you can submit it to them. Each licensing body has their own rules and determines what they will and will not accept.
We appreciate the work you do to support your clients and would be honored to include your voice in our symphony of women.
We hope you'll join us.
Consider it
That’s a small price to pay to finally know with certainty what to do (and what not to do) to support your “child."
But don’t take my word for it.
Here’s what others have to say about how Decode Addiction (and other mind diseases) has changed their lives for the better:
24. DA Week 05: The Righting Reflex (and Facing the Possibility of Death) - Apply/Use?
Lynn
Boy oh boy do I wish I had watched this before setting my boundary. Fantastic, the best I have watched yet!!!
16. DA Week 02: Stages of Change - Ah-ha moments?
Tena
My ah-ha moment was listening to Barbara and one of the ladies in the video talking about the parent feeling more pain than the addict. Then I thought...hmmmm if an addict needed the negative consequences to outweigh the positive to point them in the direction of wanting to change then MY feeling more pain due to their addition than positive then it's time for me to create change. Which I have done joining this group.
1. DA Week 01: The Disease - Apply/Use?
Mary Kay
This has really hit home for me in so many ways.
16. DA Week 02: Stages of Change - Ah-ha moments?
Beverly
There are so many...the identification of the Stages themselves is really valuable...also that Negative Consequences move addicts from precontemplation to contemplation.
18. DA Week 03: Relationship Choices - Apply/Use?
Emily
The assessment list from Katie was phenomenal. Really important discussion about concrete items that are markets for where someone is on the recovery trail. Thank you for this information and making it clear to understand.
19. DA Week 03: Relationship Choices - Ah-ha moments?
Debby
I am a worrier I want to be a warrior. I want to hold my head high and deal with the situation at hand. I don't want to care about what anybody is thinking about me or who is watching.
15. DA Week 02: Stages of Change - Apply/Use?
Christine
Stages of change is very important information. It clarifies a lot for me.
34. DA Week 09: Communications - Ah-ha moments?
Susan
Back off and let my girls figure out their own relationship!!!!! Barbara said it's the only way she's ever seen it work.
1. DA Week 01: The Disease - Apply/Use?
Christine
There is a lot of great information in this video. How the brain looks during use is unreal and how it takes to recover is even more unreal. I learned that the addict's reality is truly their reality. To them, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. You can't talk your reality into them. There is so much to digest.
30. DA Week 07: Recovery Journeys - Apply/Use?
Tena
This video is so good to hear about clean and sober and recovery.
18. DA Week 03: Relationship Choices - Apply/Use?
Patricia
I need to pull back and protect myself when my daughter is in the disease.
1. DA Week 01: The Disease - Apply/Use?
Diane
I did really like the 12 guiding principles of recovery and that it applies also to me in my recovery from codependency.
24. DA Week 05: The Righting Reflex (and Facing the Possibility of Death) - Apply/Use?
H. F.
A lot of good information that makes sense now, I'm going to work on changing how I communicate to my sons.
15. DA Week 02: Stages of Change - Apply/Use?
Carla
Everything theses moms said in this video, I heard from my son or me. This truly is a disease.
18. DA Week 03: Relationship Choices - Apply/Use?
Tena
This whole video just resonated with me. There is just so much meat and bones in it. I am so happy I have watched this. Just knowing how to have a relationship and setting boundaries is monumental. This video is definitely one to watch again.